You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize