he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
