Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
