The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
