this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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