I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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