Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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