i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
