I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
