My room smells like vodka and shame
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
