My pussy is not your playground.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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