I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
