She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
