I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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