I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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