I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he shaved USA in his pubs
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
