I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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