if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
