it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
