oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
