I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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