I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
