Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
