You can't special order awesome
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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