we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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