I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
