operation harelip BJ is a go
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
