Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
