A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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