is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
