Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
