Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
