I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Welp...herpes.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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