i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this will be a night to untag.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
