So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
