she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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