quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
