People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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