I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
