We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
