seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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