I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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