Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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