So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
