My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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