Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
