I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
