big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
