AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
