My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
