Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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