1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
