lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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