He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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