My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
