Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
