She's JV to your varsity
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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