I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
