i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
