I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
