Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
