they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
