they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
