Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
