So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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