I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
